I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
