i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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