Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
