He told me they were just razor bumps!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
