He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
