I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
