Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
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I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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