hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
