apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
