So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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