party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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