She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
