im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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