Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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