The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
