Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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