Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
