nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
