I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
