I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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