Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
