What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
