great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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