I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
