i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
