is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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