my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
