I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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