Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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