i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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