Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
