I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
