my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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