...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
