hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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