does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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