He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
