I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
