I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
