so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
