do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
