Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
