Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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