Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
