saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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