I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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