Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
