1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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