i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
