Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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