Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
