HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
