I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
