i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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