the condom got lost in my hair
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize