that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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