You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
