and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
