I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
