Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
