I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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