I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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