I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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