My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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