There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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