I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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