if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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